The Way You Do The Things You Do
by tortallanrider
Summary: "But going around kissing people isn't normally a good idea. You're lucky I like you so much. Were you anyone else, I might've stabbed you."
1. Chapter 1

_It's the way you do the things you do,  
They make me fall in love with you._  
"Dakota"- A Rocket to the Moon

**ONE**

Raoul watched him from across the room, pensively sipping from his tankard of ale. Ever since their triumphant return from the Drell River Valley, he could not stop watching a certain redheaded squire. Many things about Alan of Trebond confused Raoul of Goldenlake, but his shifting feelings for the younger man most of all. The only person Raoul ever felt this way about before was Delia of Eldorne, a lady if there ever was one. The thought that he might have romantic feelings for a _man_ disturbed him greatly. Hence his recent increase in ale consumption.

Now, sitting in the Dancing Dove, several tankards deep, Raoul found himself tapping Alan's shoulder. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure." Alan glanced at the men around him, a group filled with criminals and their leader.

"Not here."

"All right…" Had Raoul been less intoxicated, he might have seen the wariness in the young man's violet eyes. "Excuse me." In his state, Raoul also missed the look George gave him – one of puzzled amusement, as if he knew what Raoul wanted to say to Alan, and found it terribly funny.

The young noblemen found one of the quiet corners in the Inn. As the seat of the Rogue, there were many such places for private conversations. "I want to tell –"

"Gods, Raoul!" Alan stepped back, wrinkling his nose. "How much ale have you _had_?"

"Doesn't matter," he slurred.

Alan frowned, fixing sharp violet eyes on him. "We should get you back. Are you going to be able to _make_ it back to the palace? Gods, Raoul." He started to go, muttering something about finding George and why didn't he think to bring someone big along just in case this happened.

"No!" Raoul grabbed Alan's arm. The boy looked back, startled and possibly in pain, mouth open in protest. Raoul crashed his mouth down upon the boy's and kissed him. Alan reared back, violet eyes wide in terror. Raoul swore as Alan backed away.

"I'm just going to… uhm…" Alan turned and ran away, leaving Raoul to beat himself up in private. This was what he got for drinking. He would never touch ale again… until tomorrow, at least.

* * *

_This is my attempt at trying something new (for me). Hope you enjoy it!_


	2. Chapter 2

**TWO**

_At the heart in every fool  
Is the hope you're stupid too_  
"High Horses" – The Swell Season

Raoul awoke the next morning, head pounding. Or, wait. That was the door. _The door?_ Where was he? He cracked open an eye – instantly regretting it – to take in his surroundings. The door was still making an absurdly loud noise. "Who knocks so damn _loudly_?" he growled, rolling out of bed and stalking over. "Who is it?"

"Alan." _A tankard of ale. Alan laughing. Another tankard. Images of Alan bravely riding to Jonathan's side. Another tankard. Images of Alan fencing in the practice yards. Another tankard. Rationalizations for his feelings. Another half tankard. Getting up. Walking over to Alan. Kissing—_

"Shit," Raoul murmured, memories of the previous night flooding back to him. He rested his head against the wood. _Why?_ he wondered, wanting very much to smash his head against the wall in the hopes of getting the stupid out.

"Raoul?"

Composing himself, he opened the door, doing his best to look his normal, sunny self. Now that he saw the hall, he recognized his location as the Dancing Dove. So someone just put him upstairs in a bed the night before? He would have to remember to ask whom. "Good morning, Alan."

Alan, expression unreadable, held up a mug. "I brought my hangover remedy. Thought you could use it."

He took it gratefully. "You're too good a friend, Alan of Trebond. Come in, come in." Raoul left the door open, expecting Alan to follow him. He sat on the bed, sipping Alan's famous remedy. It tasted terrible, but worked like a dream. Alan still stood in the doorway. "Are you coming or not?"

Alan looked down at the floor. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Raoul tried his hardest to look as if he remembered nothing about the previous night.

"You don't remember last night?" Alan looked skeptical.

"No," Raoul lied quickly. Too quickly. _Damn._ Alan raised an eyebrow. They looked at each other for a long minute before Raoul sighed. "You want to talk about it, don't you?"

"No," Alan said. "But we should."

"Shut the door." He obliged, but stayed near, leaning against the solid wood. "Alan, I had a lot to drink –"

"Obviously." The squire rolled his eyes. "You ever consider cutting back?"

"But I like how it tastes!" Raoul stuck out his lower lip in a pout. Alan rolled his eyes again.

"I'm sure. But going around kissing people isn't normally a good idea. You're lucky I like you so much. Were you anyone else, I might've stabbed you."

"You wouldn't stab a friend."

"Are you sure about that?" He wasn't, particularly. Alan sighed. "I think there's something I should tell you. About me."

Raoul's eyed widened. "I'm not—I'm—"

Alan laughed nervously. "Before you say anything else…" He moved to sit beside his friend, who took a cautious sip from the mug, making a face as he did so. Alan politely ignored this. He knew how much everyone detested the flavor of the drink. "Raoul, I'm not… who you think I am."

"Huh? You're not Alan? You _look_ like Alan…"

"No. There is no Alan."

Raoul frowned, looking into the mug. "Have you drugged me, or am I still drunk? Because this doesn't make any sense."

"My name's Alanna."

"But that's a girl's name."

"Yes."

"Your father gave you a girl's name? That was cruel of him. Can't say I think much of him. But that doesn't mean there isn't an _Alan_."

"No, Raoul." Alan sighed. "I have a girl's name because _I'm a girl._"

Raoul choked on his own spit. "A _what_?" His voice sounded strangled.

"A _girl_, Raoul. You _have_ heard of them?"

"Yes, but—" He looked rather pointedly at her chest, too hungover and too shocked to obey the laws of etiquette.

Alan—_Alanna_ turned crimson. "I bind myself flat."

His black eyes met his—_her_ violet ones. "You're serious."

"Why would I kid about this?" he—_she_ wanted to know.

"I don't know. Maybe you thought it would be funny to tease the guy who kissed you last night…"

"No, Raoul." Alan—_na_ sighed. "Have we established that I'm really a girl yet? Because I'm not about to prove it any other way."

"You've been a girl this whole time?"

"Yes."

"What about your brother—Thom?"

"He wanted to be a mage." She shrugged. "I wanted to be a knight. So we switched."

"When you were _ten_?"

"We looked a lot alike. I've had you all fooled for six years, haven't I?"

"Well…" Raoul thought for a moment. This certainly answered some questions he'd had. "That's why you wouldn't swim with us!" He frowned. "Who else knows?"

"George. Mistress Cooper. Jon. And now you."

"Gary doesn't know?"

"Not yet."

"When are you going to tell him?"

Alanna shrugged. "When the time's right. Probably when I tell everyone else—after I win my shield."

"How long have Jon and George known?"

"George has known for… a long time. Jon found out in the Black City." Raoul nodded, still thinking. "Any more questions?"

"No." Raoul grinned, taking a sip of her remedy. "It's funny, though."

"For you, sure. Not for me. You can't _tell_ anyone."

"I know that!" Raoul put the drink down on the stand next to the bed. "You think I'd tell your secret? I thought you knew me better than that."

"That was before last night."

Raoul colored. "How about we forget about it?" Not that he needed to as much now, since he knew Alan was really _Alanna_. It was still strange to have such feelings about his friend, but at least they weren't for his _male_ friend. He could take some comfort in _that_, at least.

"Fine." Alanna stood. "I have to get back. I told Jon I wouldn't be gone long. I just wanted to make sure you were all right."

"I'm fine. I'll be back soon."

"You want me to wait for you?"

"No, it's fine. I'll come back on my own."

"All right." Alanna went to the door. "Bye, Raoul."

"Bye… Alanna."


	3. Chapter 3

**THREE**

_The sparks in your touch, I'm playing with fire  
You're never too much that I am entirely in_  
"True Like Your Name" – Steve Moakler

The rest of the day, Alanna seemed incapable of thinking straight. Her mind kept drifting back to Raoul kissing her the night before. Why did all her friends have an urge to do that? First George, then Jon, now Raoul? She could hardly wrap her mind around it. She wasn't pretty – certainly not as pretty as Lady Delia, and definitely not as beautiful as Lady Cythera (though, perhaps that was why Gary never tried to kiss her, and her personality was certainly more appealing than Lady Delia's…), so what was it? George, she almost understood. She sometimes wondered if he wasn't a bit crazy. And she tried not to think about Jonathan, but it was just that one time, and they were at war. Clearly, the stress got to him. But _Raoul_?

"Ow!" she cried as a blade sliced her arm. She glared at Douglass. "What was that for?"

"I didn't mean to!" her year-mate insisted.

"Pay more attention!" she snapped.

"I think that's enough fencing for today." She turned her head at the sound of Jonathan's voice. He came over to look at her arm, frowning. "You're distracted today," he murmured as Douglass moved off.

"Am not," she insisted, snatching her arm back. "I can heal it myself. And I'm _fine_."

"You are not." He grabbed her other arm. "Come on. Let's get you somewhere less dangerous."

"I'm fine!" He rolled his blue eyes at her, clearly intent on ignoring her. She sighed, relenting. Sometimes it was easier to give in before he started giving orders she _had_ to obey. But she kept up the appearance of being dragged, to show him he wasn't completely in charge. She had her pride after all.

Her knight-master shut the door to her room and sat her firmly on the bed. "Now. What has your head in the clouds?"

"_Nothing_." Alanna cleaned her cut and wrapped it. It would heal just fine on its own. "My head isn't in the clouds. I'm fine."

"So you've said." Jonathan folded his arms across his chest. "But you let Douglass cut your arm, and you've been making beginning mistakes all day. Not to mention tripping over yourself. You aren't normally so clumsy. Does this have something to do with your trip to the Dove last night?"

"No!" Alanna colored, trying to hide behind her too-short hair.

Jonathan raised an eyebrow. "George?"

"_No!_" And, even if it were George, she certainly wouldn't tell _Jonathan!_

"Alanna."

Her head snapped up at that, eyes wide in fear. "Don't say it so loud!" she hissed. "Someone might hear you."

Jonathan rolled his eyes again. She suppressed an urge to smack him. "Who's going to hear us in here? Only people listening at keyholes, and no one is stupid enough to do that." He sighed. "Who did you go with last night, Raoul? What did he do?"

"Nothing," Alanna insisted. "Really, Jon. There's no need to press. I'm fine, no one did anything."

"I don't believe you."

"I can tell." He locked his eyes on hers, willing her to give in and tell him what happened. She stared back, steeling herself against him. They engaged in such battles frequently – unless he started issuing orders, she tended to win.

This was so different. Jonathan gave in with a sigh. "You'll tell me eventually," he predicted.

"Of course I will," she answered sarcastically with a mocking smile. "Now can we get back to the practice courts? I'll never be a knight if I don't master my swordsmanship."

Jonathan snorted. "Of all the things it takes to be a knight, swordsmanship is the thing you need the _least_ practice in."

"You don't stay the best if you don't practice," she reminded him.

Jonathan laughed. "Come on then, squire. Prove me wrong."

She grinned. "Gladly."

* * *

Jonathan noticed how his squire avoided Raoul at dinner, but neglected to comment upon it. He would corner her later to approach the subject. He suspected it had something to do with the previous evening, which might mean it had something to do with her secret. If that was to _stay_ secret in the gossip filled palace, then dinner was not the proper place to discuss it. Thankfully, the typically perceptive Gary was lost in reverie about Lady Cythera of Elden, and not keeping track of his friends' moods.

Later that evening, after Jonathan had his ego stroked by Delia, he returned to his rooms. She asked him to stay the night, but he begged out, saying Alan was sick and he wanted to watch over the boy. All the way back, Jonathan silently cursed Alanna, for Delia looked so lovely pouting at him. He knocked on the connecting door. "Are you awake?"

"Come in." Was that a sigh he detected in her voice? He found his squire lying on her bed, reading a book. "Did you have a nice time with Delia?"

"That's none of your business."

She smiled knowingly. "So you _did_. Why'd you come back, then?"

"You." For a moment, she looked petrified, but quickly covered it up. "You and Raoul were acting strange at dinner. What happened last night?"

"That's none of your business," she mimicked, putting down her book.

"I think it is."

"You would be wrong."

"Alanna." Jonathan sat on the edge of her bed. "You rather pointedly ignored each other almost the whole time. You're lucky Gary didn't notice."

"Gary's head is filled with nothing but pretty blondes," Alanna told him. "And he's too well trained to say anything."

"So you admit there was something to notice."

"No. You're imagining things. Raoul and I weren't acting strange at all."

"Yes you were."

"No we weren't. Are we going to argue? Because I'm really not in the mood right now." She swung her legs over the side of the bed, facing the opposite wall.

"Did he find something out?" Jonathan asked quietly. "He turned pink every time you accidentally made eye contact." She didn't answer. Jon snapped up, shocked. "He _did_, didn't he? What happened? What does he know?"

"He's not going to _tell_," Alanna said, glancing up at him with unreadable violet eyes. "And it's a long story—"

"We have time."

She sighed, resting her head in her hands. "I'm not sure he'd want me to tell you. It's embarrassing."

"What did he do, kiss you?" He was joking, of course. Raoul would never kiss her – he thought she was Alan. But then he saw Alanna's reaction and nearly fell over. "_He kissed you_?"

"Say it louder," she hissed. "You want the whole _palace_ to hear?" He lowered his voice and repeated himself. "If you tell anyone, I will…" She couldn't come up with a proper threat. He was the heir to the throne, after all. "Do something unpleasant."

"So he knows?"

"He knows." Jonathan whistled, trying to ignore the pang of jealousy in his stomach. He kissed Alanna during the Tusaine War, but hadn't done it again. He thought he wanted to do it again, but he just wasn't sure. It was hard to find the right time to kiss your girl-masquerading-as-a-boy squire. "It isn't a big deal."

"What isn't?" Jonathan asked, sitting back down. "That he knows or that he kissed you?" His eyes flashed.

"Both," she answered, bristling at the flash. Was he _jealous_? The prospect sent an involuntary shiver down her spine – or pleasure or of annoyance she didn't know. "He had a lot to drink."

"He's had a lot to drink before and never kissed anyone."

"So you think."

Alanna raised her eyebrows. "Something to share?"

"No! I'm just… saying, that's all." Jonathan avoided looking at her. He rubbed his temples. "What did he say when you told him?"

"He asked a lot of stupid questions. But he didn't seem upset by it."

"Of course not, if he's going around kissing you."

"Will you drop it already? It's embarrassing!"

"Why?" Jonathan's eyes danced. He slid closer to her. "You don't like being kissed?"

"No." She scooted away. "I don't want that romantic stuff. It's distracting."

"Is it?" He slid closer again.

"Stop it." She glanced at him momentarily, almost sitting on her pillow. He slid closer again, until his leg touched hers. She jumped a foot in the air. "I said stop it, Jon!" She moved away, hands folded across her chest. "I think I'm going to go to bed now. Can you leave?"

"I could…" He stood up, beginning to walk away. He turned around, finding she was right behind him. Before she could protest, he slid his hands under her hair and kissed her deeply. He broke the kiss slowly, smiling down at her. She hesitated a moment before hitting his shoulder.

"Ow!" he cried, rubbing the spot. "What was that for?"

"You _idiot_!" she said. "What would you have done if someone walked in?"

"No one's going to just _walk in_," he told her, shaking his head. "You're just mad because you _liked_ it."

"Get out." She shoved him.

"I'm going." He left, shutting the door behind him. "Good night, Alan."

"Good _night_, Jon." She locked her doors, gently touching her fingertips to her tingling lips. It sure hadn't felt like that when _Raoul_ kissed her.

* * *

_The hardest part of writing this chapter was finding lyrics for the beginning. I have to get some AJ into this story! This is one of my favorite chapters that I've written in a long time. Hope you enjoyed!_


	4. Chapter 4

**FOUR**

_Stop this train, I want to get off and go home again  
__I can't take the speed it's moving in, I know I can't  
But honestly won't someone stop this train?_  
"Stop This Train" – John Mayer

"Raoul, why don't you fence Alan today?" Jon suggested the next morning, an impish gleam in his sapphire eyes.

Raoul opened his mouth to protest, but Gary cut him off. "That sounds amusing. It's been awhile since I had a good laugh."

"So I'll come tickle you," Raoul said. "That sounds less damaging to my pride."

"I've fenced against Raoul before," Alanna reminded them, silently swearing to put something nasty in Jonathan's bed that evening.

"And won," Raoul added. "There's no need for a repeat performance."

"You need all the practice against bigger knights you can get, squire," Jonathan told her. "Since you probably won't find any smaller." Alanna swatted his thigh with her practice sword, not quite hard enough to bruise. "Ow! That hurt!"

"Baby," she retorted.

"That's mature," drawled Jon, rolling his eyes.

"And insulting my height isn't? That joke's getting stale."

Gary straightened up and looked down at her. He relaxed again, grinning. "Nope. Still seems pretty fresh to me."

"How about I fence _you_?" Alanna asked. "And, if I win, you stop teasing me about being short."

"But then I would have to find something else," Gary whined. "And it's been too long for that."

"All in favor of Alan and Raoul fencing say 'aye'," Jonathan interrupted.

"Aye!" Gary and Jonathan chorused.

"All opposed?" Alanna and Raoul's hands went up.

"Squires?" Gary looked at Douglass and Sacherell. "Do you have a view?"

"No," Douglass replied frankly.

"Either answer will annoy someone," Sacherell added.

"Ha!" Alanna grinned ferociously at her knight-master. "They don't want to anger me just as much as they don't want to anger you!"

Jonathan shook his head. "You are easily amused."

"Not really." She bounced the blade on her hand, still smiling. "I'm going to savor this moment."

"Savor it as long as you want, _small fry_." Alanna growled and lunged at a laughing Jonathan, much to everyone's amusement.

* * *

Alanna and Raoul hung behind the rest as they went to lunch. "What does Jon know?" Raoul asked quietly.

"Only that you know," she whispered, glancing around to be sure they were alone. "Nothing else." There was no need to scare him. Besides, she didn't want him to think she went around thinking about his kissing her! Because she didn't think about it. (The fact that she didn't think about his kiss because she was too busy thinking about _Jonathan_'s notwithstanding.)

He nodded. "All right. He wasn't mad?"

"Of course not! George knew before he did."

"He didn't wonder why you told me?"

Damn. Sober, well-rested Raoul was a lot smarter than drunken or hungover Raoul. "No." Luckily, her lying skills were well honed. He seemed to believe her, but she wasn't sure how good he was at bluffing, or at ignoring things he didn't wish to think about.

"We should go before they get suspicious," Raoul remarked.

"We should," Alanna murmured, following behind quietly. She didn't need another jealous earful from Jonathan that night. Things were complicated enough with him as it was!

* * *

_I'm really enjoying everyone's feedback. I'm glad so many people are enjoying this! I noticed it's been added to a few alert lists. Thank you so much! It means a lot that you actually care to see what happens. I'm going to try to get you as many updates as I can before I leave for college in two weeks, but no promises. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. How do y'all feel about the lyrics at the beginning?_


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